Three or four of the Villa lads buy quality newspapers. At Crystal Palace it was always eight Suns and four Mirrors - GARETH SOUTHGATE, Aston Villa defender, 1996.
Maybe my players have a rampant sex life when they stay at home on Friday nights - TERRY BURTON, Wimbledon manager on his team's poor home form, 2001.
It's not the sex that tires out young players. It's the staying up all night looking for it - CLEMENS WESTERHOF, Dutch coach to Nigeria, 1994.
On my debut for Besiktas they sacrificed a lamb on the pitch. Its blood was daubed on my forehead for good luck. They never did that at QPR - LES FERDINAND, England striker recalls his spell in Turkey, 1995.
The average English footballer could not tell the difference between an attractive woman and a corner flag - WALTER ZENGA, Italy goalkeeper, responding to Wimbledon manager Bobby Gould's quips that his players wanted the phone numbers of the Italian players' wives while the Azzurri were away at the World Cup, 1990.
Football takes all my pressures. The Police have my passport and I'm not allowed to train with the other players, but nothing bothers me out on the pitch - MICKEY THOMAS, Wrexham captain, as his team's FA Cup run coincided with his release on bail on charges of counterfeiting currency, 1992.
Liverpool won the FA Cup a few years ago with a team of eleven foreigers, including Scots, Welsh and Irish. Now we have Spanish, French and Italians. They speak better English, are more civilised and know how to use a knife and fork - KEN BATES, Chelsea chairman, on the influx of players from abroad, 2000.
Someone asked me last week whether I missed the Villa. I replied 'No I live in one' - DAVID PLATT, former Aston Villa player on life with Bari in Italy, 1991.
Football and politics are much the same. They're both full of people who are jealous of success - TONY BANKS MP, Labour, former Minister of Sport, 1999.
Ten Classic Football Quotations made about 'Our Beautiful Game'
Football Jargon - A Language In a League Of Its Own!
All sports have their own jargon but none is so great as 'the language of football.'
All professions like to envelop themselves with an air of mystery and often do this be by inventing/creating a language of their own, that both confuses and belittles outsiders. Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, IT Specialists - all rely on our fear of their superior knowledge to safeguard their interests.
Of all sports, football arouses the blindest loves and the bitterest hatreds, and as a result football commentators, reporters, players and managers have developed a way of speaking to express these deepest emotions.
Football is 'unique' in that it has a language that is both lacking in poetry and invention!
This extraordinary dialogue has been created through the sheer passion felt by all those who have an affiliation with the game, and could be summed up as an assortment of incredible claptrap, baloney, mumbo jumbo, drivel, tripe and balderdash!
The contrast for example between the facility with which 'star players' express themselves on the pitch and their inarticulacy off it can be a source of embarrassment and humour!
Without further ado, here are some of my favourites:
'He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces' - Ron Atkinson.
'Hagi could open a tin of beans with his left foot' - Ray Clemence.
'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven dicks on the field' - Metro Radio.
'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman.
'It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket. Everytime there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card' - Kevin Keegan.
'We had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match' - Ruud Gullit.
'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel' - Stuart Pearce.
'When a player gets to thirty, so does his body' - Glenn Hoddle.
'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.' - John Helm.
Stock Phrases:
'We were robbed.'
'We gave 110 per cent.'
'This match is a definite six-pointer'
'A peach of a ball.'
'That was a bad goal to concede.'
'Now would be a good time to score'
'A schoolboy howler'
And I ask you:
Why is a left foot either 'trusty' or 'educated', but a right foot is neither?
Why is a bad back pass almost invariably 'suicidal' ?
Why are hooligans always a 'tiny minority' even when there seem to be hundreds of them throwing seats across Kenilworth Road?
Classic Football Quotations said by Football Fans or made about Football Fans - Part Two
It'll be a good day for the burglars and one one when the sheep will be left in peace - DICK CAMPBELL, Brechin City manager, on the exodus of fans from the city (population 10,000) to Rangers for a Scottish Cup tie, 2001.
To celebrate Arsenal's defeat in Europe, 10 per cent off everything - ADVERT by the food retailer 'World of Kosher' in the Jewish Chronicle, 2004.
The fans all had the the complexion and body scent of a cheese and onion crisp, and the eyes of pit-bulls - MARTIN AMIS, novelist, reviewing a book on football hooliganism, 1991.
A policeman called me at home. Friday night again. He'd caught a dozen courting couples in the stand and asked me what to do with them. I told him to fix the bloody fence and board 'em in. Best gate of the season it would have been - FRED WESTGARTH, Hartlepool's manager, 1957.
We don't need Viagra to stay up - BANNER by Charlton fans, a month before their team were relegated, 1999.
I always answer letters from supporters. It's death threats I object to - REG BURR, Millwall chairman, 1990.
Even the hooligans had a good time and enjoyed the party. Maybe the cannabis relaxed them - JOHAN BEELAN, Dutch police chief, on the behaviour of England fans in Eindhoven, 2000.
The English stick their psychos in Broadmoor, while the Welsh put theirs in Ninian Park - FULHAM FANZINE, There's only one F in Fulham, awarding Cardiff supporters 0 out of 10 in their 'Best Fan' poll, 1995.
I expect abuse, but I also got a hamburger and about £4.50 in change - GARY NEVILLE, Manchester United captain, on objects thrown at him by Liverpool fans at Anfield, 2006.
Will the owner of a horse attached to a rag-and-bone cart in the visitors' car park return to his vehicle immediately - ANNOUNCEMENT at Cardiff City when West Ham were the visitors, 2004.
He told me I was a dead man and that I wouldn't get out of The Den alive. Then he said I was fat. I said: 'Have you looked at yourself lately?' - KEVIN PRESSMAN, Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper, on being confronted by a pitch invader at Millwall, 1995.
Are you Tamworth in disguise? - SONG by Burton Albion fans as Manchester United were held 0-0 in the FA Cup against the non-league side, 2006.
To see more classic quotations made by Fans, Managers, Chairmen and Players alike posted on this site previously, type Quotations into the search box in the top left hand corner of the page).
Classic Football Quotations said by Football Fans or made about Football Fans - Part One
When we won the league in '89 it was the most cosmic thing that had ever happened. Better than any orgasm ever - EMMA YOUNG, an Arsenal fan, as quoted in Tom Watt's, The End: 90 Years of Life on Arsenal's North Bank, 1993.
At 6.45 the Millwall supporters were taken under escort towards the stadium. As they passed a public house, a group of 30-40 males came out, and bottles and glasses were thrown and pub windows smashed. After a while it became apparent that both groups were from Millwall and each thought the other were Bristol City supporters - REPORT from the National Criminal Intelligence Unit, before a match at Ashton Gate, 2001.
The only point worth remembering about Port Vale's match with Hereford on Monday was the fact that the attendance figure, 2,744, was a perfect cube, 14 x 14 x 14 - LETTER from a 'Disillusioned Supporter' to Stoke-on-Trent's Sentinel newspaper, 1979.
Adrian attends Bromley Comprehensive and is a keen goalkeeper. In his spare time he likes listening to music and playing computer games. His favourite players have left the club. - CRYSTAL PALACE programme on the mascot for a game v. Leicester, 1999.
It wasn't so much the death threats or the vandalism, but when you sit with your family in the directors' box and hear a couple of thousand people chanting 'Gilbert Blades is a wa*ker,' then you feel it's time to go - GILBERT BLADES, on resigning as Lincoln chairman in Anton Rippon's book Soccer: The Road to Crisis, 1982.
It's the right of every Englishman to fall asleep if he wants, particularly if he is watching Arsenal - JUDGE Michael Taylor quashing a fan's conviction for drunkenness after he dozed off during a match, 2004.
I went with two friends to watch Forest's game at Barnsley. It cost over £60 to watch the football equivalent of what French farmers have been feeding their cattle - LETTER to Nottingham's Football Post, 1999.
Man offers marriage proposal to any woman with ticket for Leeds v. Sheffield United game. Must send photograph ( of ticket ) - ADVERT in Yorkshire Evening Post as Second Division title race came to the boil, 1990.
I don't think it's much fun when 50,000 spectators are singing 'Posh Spice takes it up the ar*e' every weekend - VICTORIA BECKHAM on the TV documentary Victoria's Secrets, 2000.
At the Worthington Cup Final, when there was trouble on the pitch, with Robbie Savage involved, there was this guy behind me yelling: 'Savage, you cheating, long-haired, gypsy Welsh c*nt.' I had to turn to him and say: 'Oi mate, less of the Welsh.' - PAUL WHITEHOUSE, comedian, actor and Welsh-born Tottenham fan, 1999.
(To see more classic quotations made by Managers, Chairmen and Players alike posted on this site previously, type Quotations into the search box in the top left hand corner of the page).
Ten Classic Football Quotations made by Football Chairmen
I've still got my old school report. It says I was dyslexic, backward, mentally deficient and illiterate - all the qualifications needed to be a football club chairman - GEORGE REYNOLDS, Darlington chairman, 2000.
If anyone thinks we're going to give away a company that we've built up over six years at a personal loss in order to satisfy the whims of some Indian with a curry shop, they had better get real - JIM OLIVER, Partick Thistle chairman, spurning takeover interest from a group of Asian businessmen, 1995.
We'll deal with anyone, whether they are Asian, Eskimo or a one-eyed black lesbian saxophone player - JIM OLIVER, Partick Thistle chairman, denying allegations of racism, 1995.
We will serve sheep's testicles as a delicacy in the boardroom. There are plenty of sheep in Wales so it's right that they should make some representation at Ninian Park - SAM HAMMAM, having left Wimbledon and taken over as chairman at Cardiff City, 2000.
I'm off to my 300-acre farm. You lot can bugger off to your council houses - KEN BATES, Chelsea chairman, to the press after Chelsea's relegation, 1998.
At other clubs the directors probably get worried if things aren't going well, and they don't like people coming up to them criticising in pubs and at parties. That doesn't influence me at all. If people start telling me what's wrong with the team, I just say:
'Look why don't you f--- awff ??' - PATRICK COBBOLD, Ipswich chairman, 1981.
The lowest point of the year was hearing Nick Barmby had used the five worst words in the English language: 'I want to join Liverpool.' - BILL KENWRIGHT, after taking over at Everton, 2000.
The Super League idea has about as much chance of getting through as there is of Arthur Scargill admitting he needs a wig - ERNIE CLAY, Fulham chairman, a decade before the launch of the Premier League, 1992.
I'm just a frustrated would-be professional player who in the end wasn't good enough. Today you have prima donnas and they are highly paid. Their intelligence, across the board, is a lot higher than in my day. Comic Cuts was the typical newspaper of the dressing-room in my day whereas now it's the serious papers. We actually got complaints that there was only one public phone in the changing rooms because they wanted to ring their stockbrokers after training - DOUG ELLIS, Aston Villa chairman, 2000.
I don’t give a f*** about football protocol and the other club owners. They want me to sit and have lunch before the games. F*** that. I don’t go to football to drink chardonnay in the boardrooms with those tossers. I go to win games. I don’t have anything in common with 90% of football club chairmen. They don't interest me - SIMON JORDAN, Crystal Palace chairman, 2004.
An Insight into The Life & Times of Terence Fredrick Venables - alias ‘El Tel’
His resume lists amongst its particulars:
International footballer, football manager, football coach, businessman, TV pundit, big band crooner, board game inventor, author........the list is extensive & somewhat impressive to say the least!
However the list could be construed as being somewhat misleading, as in between the ‘glorious achievements’ is a man who is shall we say less than whiter than white - where there lies a sleepy, somewhat bumpy undercurrent beneath the surface!
Venables has the reputation of an archetypal rogue with his cockney charm & beguiling smile. 
Venables in his favourite role, (right) that of cockney wideboy.
He is a man as at ease in a tracksuit as he is in a tuxedo.
As a manager his tactical prowess is regarded as being of the highest class & he is famed for his ability to motivate players into producing their best.
Born in Dagenham in January 1943, Venables began his playing career at Chelsea, making his debut as a 16 year-old, captaining the team a year later & going on to make over 200 appearances.
He made his England debut in 1964, winning two caps as a 21 year-old before moving to Tottenham, where he spent three years before moving back west to join QPR, & then south to join Crystal Palace.
Having retired as a player he then returned to take charge of Crystal Palace, taking over from Malcolm Allison in 1976, when they were in the old Third Division & guiding them into the top flight as Champions of Division Two, in the 1978/79 season.
He then returned to take charge of QPR, guiding them to a Wembley Cup Final in 1982 & to the Second Division title the following season.
His success in charge of two London clubs did not go unnoticed & he attracted the interest of a number of clubs both at home & abroad.
In 1984, recommended for the role by Bobby Robson he was appointed manager of Spanish giants Barcelona, earning the sobriquet ‘El Tel.’
During his three seasons in charge of the Catalan club ‘El Tel’ led them to their first Spanish League title in eleven years, won the Spanish League Cup & took them to the first post-Heysel European Cup Final, which they lost on penalties to Steaua Bucharest.
He was sacked in September 1987 after failing to follow up his title success at the Camp Nou, along with the humiliation of losing home & away to Dundee Utd in the quarter-finals of the UEFA Cup.
A month later he was appointed manager of Tottenham Hotspur.
Despite an FA Cup win in 1991, this was unable to paper over the ensuing cracks as Venables tried & failed in a £20m bid to purchase the club, before taking a role 'upstairs' as chief executive of the club following Alan Sugar’s successful takeover battle against Robert Maxwell.
A clash of personalities between the two saw Sugar dismiss Venables in November 1993 leading to lengthy, acrimonious & very tedious court cases & subsequent investigations into Venables's financial/business dealings.
The following year Venables was back in the hot seat, this time as manager of the England national team.
Terry’s style seemed perfectly suited to international management & he seemed to have the presence & charisma that could re-ignite some national pride & achievement.
On home soil & subsequently riding on that patriotic crest of a wave, Venables led England all the way to the semi-finals of Euro 96, before losing to the eventual winners Germany.
Venables then resigned in order to fight more murky & tedious court cases, effectively signalling the end of his credible coaching career.
Venables is the only England manager ever to resign from his post because of his muddy personal details relating to financial irregularities. He is also the only disqualified company director ever to be indirectly accused of accepting bribes to sign players, while also being in a courtroom battle with Tottenham Hotspur.
A web of complex accusations & counter-accusations seems to have followed Venables wherever he has managed in recent times.
So what went wrong?
At the age of 17 Venables had made himself a limited company, one whose stated aim was 'to exploit the talents of Terence Venables.'
But what are those talents exactly?
As we are aware Venables has dissipated his energies into countless business ventures, most notably with English football clubs, QPR (as Managing Director), Tottenham Hotspur (as Chief Executive) & Portsmouth (as Chairman). However, on 14 January 1998 he was disqualified by the high court from acting as a company director for seven years under section 8 of the Company Directors Disqualification Act 1986 for mismanagement of four companies - the London drinking club Scribes West Ltd, Edenote plc, Tottenham Hotspur plc and Tottenham Hotspur Football and Athletic Company Ltd. The case was brought by the Department of Trade and Industry who cited instances of bribery, lying, deception, manipulation of accounts & taking money that should have been given to creditors.
In addition to his widespread business interests, Venables also co-authored four novels with writer Gordon Williams and is credited as co-creator of the ITV detective series Hazell.
Having been a football pundit for BBC since the mid-80s, he left for ITV in 1994, following a legal dispute with the corporation over allegations made against him in a Panorama programme.
In 1990 Venables co-devised the board game, "Terry Venables invites you to be... The Manager". This is a football management game and is a cross between the 'Game of Life,' 'Risk' & 'Trivial Pursuit.'
In 2002 Venables recorded a single for the World Cup together with the band Rider. 'England Crazy' reached number 46 in the UK charts.
El Tel was a true renaissance man - and crooned his legendary version of "What Do You Want To Make Those Eyes At Me For" live on TV (right).
In May 2006, Venables guided the England Legends and Celebrities squad to victory in the charity 'Soccer Aid' programme.
In 1997 Venables became manager of Australia.
His side swept through the Oceanic World Cup qualifiers but were beaten in a play-off by Iran on away goals, a match often referred to as the most tragic moment in Australian soccer history. With the team having drawn 1-1 in Tehran, Australia lead the second leg 2-0 at half time, but the partisan crowd were left stunned when they conceded two late goals. Venables was later sacked.
Then followed brief but disastrous spells back at Crystal Palace & Portsmouth, both of whom were suffering financial difficulties at the time.
He joined Pompey first as a consultant, then as Chairman and left with Pompey bottom of Division One & on the brink of bankruptcy & Palace under acrimonious circumstances as they were about to go into administration.
Following a further brief spell in management at Middlesbrough, Venables decided his business interests & media work would not allow him the time to take up a permanent role on Teeside, & he continued to work as a pundit on ITV, seen particularly during the 2002 World Cup.
Just days before the end of the tournament Venables was linked with the vacant managerial position at Leeds & by July 2002 he was unveiled as their new manager.
Leeds’ disastrous financial predicament only began to truly surface two weeks into his tenure, as players such as Jonathan Woodgate & Robbie Keane were sold without Venables being informed, in an effort to pay off mounting debts.
With the team spiralling towards relegation, & the club into a financial crisis, amid later substantiated rumours of player sell-offs by the board, Venables was sacked in March 2003.
Venables again found himself back in the England set-up in 2006, as assistant to new manager Steve McClaren.
He was later sacked from this role in November 2007, along with McClaren after England failed to qualify for the 2008 European Football Championships.
To conclude this critique on the colourful life of 'El Tel,' here are some amusing quotes made by Terry Venables........that in hindsight he possibly wished he had never said!
"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored"
"The mere fact that he's injured stops him getting injured again, if you know what I mean"
"You either win or you lose. There's no in between."
"It may have been going wide, but nevertheless it was a great shot on target"
"They didn't change positions; they just moved the players around"
Ten Classic Football Quotations made by Football Players
The best-dressed footballer I've ever seen. Even in training - we're all in tracksuits and he arrives in shirt, trousers and shoes. And his hair's lovely. We call him The Dog, as in the dogs bollocks - ROBERT LEE, Newcastle midfielder talking about his defensive colleague Warren Barton, 1996.
I don't mind Roy Keane making £60,000 a week. I was making the same when I was playing. The only difference is I was printing my own - MICKEY THOMAS, former Manchester United midfielder with a conviction for counterfeiting currency, 2002.
We call him Germ. He always has a cold or something - DARREN HUCKERBY, talking about fellow Leeds striker Michael Bridges, 1999.
What is the world coming to when you get a red card and fined two weeks' wages for calling a grown man a wanker? It's an adults' game - what's wrong with a bit of industrial language in the workplace? - PAUL GASCOIGNE, after being sent off for Middlesborough v. Chelsea, 2000.
I started the shirt-lifting thing and I'm still the best at it - FABRIZIO RAVANELLI, struggling with colloquialisms at Derby, 2002.
My team-mates at Chelsea have very funny ways of celebrating. In France, when it's your birthday, they buy you champagne and cake.
Here they just shove your face in mud. Very strange - FRANK LEBOEUF, Chelsea defender, 1999.
My only problem seems to be with Italian breakfasts. No matter how much money you've got, you can't seem to get any Rice Krispies - LUTHER BLISSETT, after his transfer from Watford to Milan, 1983.
When I saw the pictures of what I did I was ashamed. The worst thing was when people phoned my girlfriend, who's six months pregnant, and said: 'What's it like living with a lunatic?' - JOHN HARTSON, after kicking West Ham colleague Eyal Berkovic in the head during training, 1998.
This is a man's game - unless the FA want us to walk out carrying handbags and wearing lipstick. 'Chopper' Harris and Tommy Smith wouldn't have lasted two minutes the way the game is run today - PAUL INCE, Middlesborough midfielder, 2001.
What facinates me - and this is probably where Mussolini and I are very different - is the way he was able to go against his morals to achieve his goals - PAOLO DI CANIO, West Ham's Italian striker and a self-confessed admirer of the late Italian fascist leader, 2000.
Ten Classic Football Quotations made by Football Managers
I asked the players who wanted to take a penalty and there was an awful smell coming from some of them - MICK McCARTHY, Millwall manager, after victory in a penalty shoot-out, 1995.
I told my chairman that David O'Leary spent £18m to buy Rio Ferdinand from us and Leeds have given (O'Leary) £5.5m in share options, whereas I bring in £18m and all I get is a bacon sandwich - HARRY REDKNAPP, West Ham manager, 2000.
I'm told we need a big name. Engelbert Humperdinck is a big name but it doesn't mean he can play football - RAY HARFORD, Blackburn manager, 1996.
If you have a fortnight's holiday in Dublin you qualify for an Eire cap. - MIKE ENGLAND, Wales manager, 1986.
It's a hard place to come for a southern team. You can dress well and have all the nice watches in the world, but that won't buy you a result at Grimsby - ALAN SMITH, Crystal Palace manager, at Grimsby, 2000.
I'd hang myself but the club can't afford the rope - IAIN MUNRO, Hamilton Academicals manager, 1995
It was a game of two halves, and we were rubbish in both of them - BRIAN HORTON, Oxford United manager, 1990.
The first goal was a foul, the second offside, and they would never have scored the third if they hadn't got the other two - STEVE COPPELL, Crystal Palace manager, explaining defeat at Liverpool, 1991.
Yes, there are two great teams on Merseyside. Liverpool and Liverpool Reserves - BILL SHANKLY, Liverpool manager, 1965.
We're like lady Di. She's not the Queen yet. She's not even married. But like us, she's nicely placed - JIMMY SIRRAL, Notts County manager, on his side's promotion prospects as royal-wedding fever spread, 1981.
