After-Dinner Sports Tales - Gareth Southgate

This month is my fifth installment of light hearted after-dinner sporting tales, as told by current or ex-professional sportsman.
My after-dinner sports tale for this month is one told by Gareth Southgate, a well respected football player and now club manager, who has been a model professional since making his debut in 1988.

Born in Watford, Hertfordshire in 1970, Southgate began his career at Crystal Palace, playing in central midfield. He became captain and led the club to the 1994 Division One title.

He moved to Aston Villa in 1995 for a fee of £2.5 million, having made 152 appearances and scoring 15 goals over four seasons for the South London club.
In 2001 he joined Middlesborough as a player, before becoming the Teeside clubs manager in 2006.

"I went to watch a match with my wife and the family of a friend (who was playing).

People started turning around to ask me for autographs, which is always flattering but can start to interfere with your enjoyment of an event.

By now the game had kicked off and yet still I was being passed scraps of paper and programmes to sign.
I obliged, but must confess I was getting irritable as I tried to watch the game.
A flag was passed along then a ticket.

'Pen?' I asked down the line, somewhat abruptly, and a pen was duly passed down the line.
'What's his name?' I asked my friend's wife, and the query was passed down the line.
'To John, all the best, Gareth Southgate,' I wrote and passed the ticket back along the line.

Out of the corner of my eye I see the guy look at the ticket and start to edge along the row.
I'm just about to say to him: 'Look mate, no disrepect, but I'm trying to watch the game,' when he says apologetically: 'Excuse me, I'm very sorry but you're in my seat."


During the 2003–04 season Gareth became an author, penning Woody & Nord: A Football Friendship with close friend and former West Ham goalkeeping coach Andy Woodman. This book describes an enduring friendship forged in the Crystal Palace youth team that has survived Southgate and Woodman's wildly differing fortunes in the professional game. The book won the Sporting Book of the Year Award for 2004 from the National Sporting Club.

Ten Classic Football Quotations made about 'Our Beautiful Game'

I have no morals when it comes to dealing with my clients. I would deal with the Devil to get the best deal for them - ERIC HALL, Football Players Agent, 1989.

Three or four of the Villa lads buy quality newspapers. At Crystal Palace it was always eight Suns and four Mirrors - GARETH SOUTHGATE, Aston Villa defender, 1996.

Maybe my players have a rampant sex life when they stay at home on Friday nights - TERRY BURTON, Wimbledon manager on his team's poor home form, 2001.

It's not the sex that tires out young players. It's the staying up all night looking for it - CLEMENS WESTERHOF, Dutch coach to Nigeria, 1994.

On my debut for Besiktas they sacrificed a lamb on the pitch. Its blood was daubed on my forehead for good luck. They never did that at QPR - LES FERDINAND, England striker recalls his spell in Turkey, 1995.

The average English footballer could not tell the difference between an attractive woman and a corner flag - WALTER ZENGA, Italy goalkeeper, responding to Wimbledon manager Bobby Gould's quips that his players wanted the phone numbers of the Italian players' wives while the Azzurri were away at the World Cup, 1990.

Football takes all my pressures. The Police have my passport and I'm not allowed to train with the other players, but nothing bothers me out on the pitch - MICKEY THOMAS, Wrexham captain, as his team's FA Cup run coincided with his release on bail on charges of counterfeiting currency, 1992.

Liverpool won the FA Cup a few years ago with a team of eleven foreigers, including Scots, Welsh and Irish. Now we have Spanish, French and Italians. They speak better English, are more civilised and know how to use a knife and fork - KEN BATES, Chelsea chairman, on the influx of players from abroad, 2000.

Someone asked me last week whether I missed the Villa. I replied 'No I live in one' - DAVID PLATT, former Aston Villa player on life with Bari in Italy, 1991.

Football and politics are much the same. They're both full of people who are jealous of success - TONY BANKS MP, Labour, former Minister of Sport, 1999.